|How to Move Beyond Anger|
|Post by Gina Lake|
|Monday, 14 June 2010 14:03|
People make mistakes and do things that hurt and disappoint us all the time. And we make mistakes and hurt and disappoint others as well. If we are to maintain our relationships, we need to learn to move beyond our anger over the mistakes and unpleasantness of others. We can't do anything to change what has happened in the past, but we can change how we think about it, including choosing not to think about it at all. We have to learn to move beyond anger and sadness not only for the good of our relationships but also, just as importantly, for our own health and happiness. Harboring negative feelings is bad for our health and only hurts us. It doesn't serve the situation in any way. So we learn to forgive and forget for ourselves, because it is the only sensible thing to do—not to hold on to negative thoughts and feelings, which are also bound to create more pain and hurt in the future for others, possibly even people who had nothing to do with our pain.
When we allow ourselves to be involved in and feed our negative thoughts and feelings, chemical reactions take place in the body that are detrimental to our health, we make ourselves unhappy doing this, and we make those around us unhappy as well. This suffering is so unnecessary once you realize the effects of doing this, how fruitless doing this is, and that there is another way to handle such thoughts and feelings.
We are used to thinking of our thoughts and feelings as ours. They seem to belong to us. But the truth is that our negative thoughts and the feelings that arise from them are part of the human condition; they are part of how the human creature we are responds to life. The beauty is that, even though we are in a human body, we are not human, but spirit, or consciousness, that has taken human form. Mastery of the human condition is seeing this great truth, that although we are human and are programmed to have negative thoughts and feelings, they are part of our humanity, not our essential self, or Essence. Our essential self is, in fact, what is reading these words and capable of choosing to believe the thoughts that go through the mind or not. We can choose to express the more primitive programmed responses of negativity and anger or not. We are all evolving to becoming free of this human programming, which causes so much suffering within ourselves and on this planet.
The way to move beyond anger and other harmful emotions is to see that they are generated from within us by what we tell ourselves about a situation: "He shouldn't have done that," "That's unfair," "How could that have happened!" "She must not love me," and so on. We tell stories about what other people do that cause us to feel hurt, offended, wronged, and consequently angry. These stories are the source of our anger. Without them, there would be no anger, no matter what life brought us. This is the great truth that can set us free from the suffering caused by our human programming. Whether you suffer or not is in your hands! This is immensely freeing, and seeing this stops the violence and negativity from extending to others and being sent around the world. When you stop creating anger and hurt within you, you also stop creating it outside of yourself, and the planet needs this now. The earth needs peace, and it starts within each of us.
Moving beyond anger is a matter of ignoring negative thoughts and not acting on negative feelings. If you are experiencing anger or other negative feelings, then allow them to be there, without either trying to get rid of them or expressing them. Be with those feelings with the compassion of your true self. Be curious and discover what you just told yourself that created those feelings. And then see that no matter how true that thought might seem, it is not true that someone or something should be different than he or she or it is—because it's already too late for that! It is the way it is. And then see that hanging on to those thoughts and feelings is only harming yourself and can't do anything to change what is. From this place of compassionate acceptance, you can become free from the negativity and return to peace, which is what you and everyone else really wants. You can have your self-righteousness, revenge, and anger if you want, but ultimately these only harm yourself. You have the power to make another choice, and the more you exercise your power to choose love and acceptance over anger and other negative emotions, the easier it becomes to remain untouched by adversity and human-generated storms.
Flower photo: © FredericRoux/Dreamstime.com