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Gina Lake is a spiritual teacher who is devoted to helping others wake up and live in the moment through her books, counseling, and intensives. She has a master's degree in counseling psychology and over twenty years experience supporting people in their spiritual growth. She is the author of eight books. For more info, visit her aptly titled site:Radical Happiness -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some things matter too much to the ego, and this is a source of unhappiness, things like performing perfectly, looking a certain way, having certain things, and so on. The flip side of this is that many of the little things that actually turn out to matter, especially to true happiness, are overlooked and underrated by the ego. Most of the turning points in our life came about as a result of something that didn't seem to matter at the time: a phone call from a friend who happened to tell us about a spiritual teacher coming to town; an invitation to a party, where we met our true love; a summer job that got us started in our career direction; a friend inviting us on a trip, which changed us in some way; reading a book that put us on a particular path. Life-changing experiences come out of what seem to be small and insignificant occurrences.
People make mistakes and do things that hurt and disappoint us all the time. And we make mistakes and hurt and disappoint others as well. If we are to maintain our relationships, we need to learn to move beyond our anger over the mistakes and unpleasantness of others. We can't do anything to change what has happened in the past, but we can change how we think about it, including choosing not to think about it at all. We have to learn to move beyond anger and sadness not only for the good of our relationships but also, just as importantly, for our own health and happiness. Harboring negative feelings is bad for our health and only hurts us. It doesn't serve the situation in any way. So we learn to forgive and forget for ourselves, because it is the only sensible thing to do—not to hold on to negative thoughts and feelings, which are also bound to create more pain and hurt in the future for others, possibly even people who had nothing to do with our pain.
Love isn't something that someone causes us to feel, but a state of
being that we experience whenever we are fully present in the moment to
whatever or whomever is showing up. Love is our natural state, and we
experience our natural state whenever the chattering mind is quiet or
simply ignored. This state of being is one of peace, acceptance, and
love. The only thing that can interfere with experiencing the love of
our true nature is absorption in our thoughts and any feelings generated
by those thoughts. When we are lost in our mental and emotional world,
we miss out on reality, on the real experience of this moment. In our
mental world, thoughts about life substitute for real life. When we drop
out of these thoughts about ourselves and how our life is going, life
can be experienced more purely, and when it is, love naturally flows to
whatever or whomever we are experiencing.
talk is an excerpt of Theo, a sixth-dimensional being, speaking through
Gina Lake at an intensive called "Moving from the Ego to Essence in
Relationships," recorded in Sedona, Arizona in April 2010. The DVD that
this talk came from is available for a discounted price by going to Recordings. Or
it can be purchased on Amazon.com.
Another clip can be viewed at Audio/Video. The
ideas in this clip are expanded upon in Gina Lake's new book Loving in
the Moment: Moving from Ego to Essence in Relationships.
Laura: Why are
relationships so challenging for most people?
Relationships are challenging because we bring so much conditioning to
them. By conditioning, I mean hopes, fantasies, expectations, and
desires. We have so much we want another person to do for us—fulfill our
fantasies, expectations, and desires, and if they don't, we are angry
with them and feel judgmental and critical of them. Those judgments
prevent us from loving them and cause them to judge us back and not feel
loving toward us. So, the root of difficulties in love and
relationships is our conditioning—the desires we have for someone to be a
certain way in order to please us. This is conditional love—right? "I
will love you if you behave and look a certain way, and I won't love you
if you don't." Conditional love isn't love, and relationships don't
work when love is conditional.